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Suggesting that she could arrange for the executioner should she be really serious. She could also arrange her vanishing if Sue so wished! Sue then went away for a day or two, on her own mulling over her options. On her return the “the family” were told to convene on the Friday.The staff; Cook and the faithful Betty, Tony, the cleaners and the dozy Nanny were all told by me, on the Thursday; Just that the mistress was terminally ill, Devon himself, dealing with all the outdoor staff. They were all told to continue as normal, under the threat of instant dismissal they were not to mention the problem as it was my and her ladyships wish to keep things as normal as long as could be made possible. The Friday arrived and as Betty removed the plates, and coffee was served, the talk was of estate items, she soon was away as usual with cook and we were left in peace. The faces round our table were fairly sober. Sue asked everyone to cheer up; she turned first to Jack and said that she. I hold her close to me as she cries. She can’t move, and she continues to bawl in my arms. She probably saw a photo, a post, some sort of trigger. Or she could have just been thinking about high school, about him, about all the different ways he touched her, about all the pain he’s caused her, about all the pain that is still here, years later. About the pain she fears may never go away. She’s shaking in my arms and I’m all that’s holding her steady. Here, held so tight, she is able to let go. She is able to not be as strong as she always is. She is able to cry without having to worry. Without having to think. Just to feel. It’s times like this she feels broken. It’s times like this that she feels like her body is dirty. Tarnished. Ruined. It’s times like these that all she can see on her body are his handprints, forever burned into her flesh. It pains me to see her like this. None of it’s true, but I can’t make her see that. I can’t make her heal faster. I can only help, remind her.
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