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" The lawyer knocked on the door; the guard outside responded; and the lawyer quickly left the room.Jake was about to say, "fuck you very much," when he spied the lawyer's cell phone peeking out of the top of a briefcase on the floor. Without hesitation, Jake grabbed the phone and dialed. He had been waiting for a moment like this for over a year, a moment for one private, unmonitored phone call to the outside."Hello," said a voice that was music to Jake's ears."Baby, its me... Jake. I can't talk long, so just listen. First, I love you and miss you... god, I miss you!" Oh, Jake, I can't believe it's you. I love you too and..."Jake cut her off. "Listen, the feds are pissed cause they have to let me out soon. I've done my time, but they still can't find the money. They haven't found you either, have they?" No, I'm still in this little town and..." The money is still deposited off shore, isn't it?" Yes, Jake, it is safe and earning interest, but..." Stay where you are. Write your address. We will be training themfor new positions in hotels.”___ From The Derby Abbey Community News: ___“We apologize for the error in the lastedition, in which we stated that ‘Mr Fred Nicolme is aDefective in the Police Force’. This was a typographicalerror. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detectivein the Police Farce.”Q: How do men sort their laundry?A: “Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”.Everyone talks about apathy, ... but no one does anything about it!Failed in business... 1831Lost election for legislature... 1832Failed again in business... 1834Sweetheard died... 1835Nervous breakdown... 1836Lost second political race... 1838Defeated for Congress... 1843Defeated for Congress... 1846Defeated for Congress... 1848Defeated for US Senate... 1855Defeated for Vice President... 1856Defeated for US Senate... 1858Elected President... 1860Abraham LincolnQ: What do you call a dozen blondes in a freezer?A: Frosted FlakesHow can you make money these days?Buy 50 female pigs and 50 male deer.
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