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God I want to fuck you. But not just yet. I need to be patient. When the band comes back for their encore I decide to get another drink and cool my bursting senses down a bit. As the band finishes their set the crowd slowly empties the venue and I decide to take a leak. While in the toilet I can feel my thigh vibrate again. It’s another txt, this one has your address in it. I finish up while looking at the brush and with a big grin on my face wash my hands and leave the club. Fortunately a cab is easily found so I don’t have to stand in this December cold for long. As I enter the cab and give the driver your address I rub my hands together and blow my hot breath into them. While you think the show is over, the real show is about to start. And what a show it will be…. As we pull into your street I ask the driver to drive past your house and drop me off on the next corner. As the cab slowly rolls on I can see the lights on in your place. I quickly pay the cabbie and jump. My worst case scenario is that it’s not fear or terror that is causing the panic attacks but more so rage. Not anger or simply being upset at something, a pure rage. I set the file down and pinch the bridge of my nose thinking on Guy’s actions. If he is shielding everyone from his rage then it’s important that I resume working with the family to prepare them for moments when he will allow it to leak out of himself and onto those around him. It won’t be pretty but if we can safely allow him to vent his pent up rage onto people who will listen and understand it will be better the alternative. I shudder to think of what happens when someone finally allows their pain to encompass their life and with Guy that exception can be worse. Simple formula really, take the abused and decent person and remove all the filters that they have to prevent themselves from lashing out at the world. Then when they are forced to feel and act upon their feelings they have no self control, no restraint and no.
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