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At first it bothered me, the loss of knowing how I looked. It was frightening to think how much we humans looked at ourselves in mirrors, door and window glass as we approached them. But, I got used to not knowing how I looked. My hair became unruly and long. I started tying a head band around my head to hold it back from my face. I would find an eagle feather and stick it into the band. Sparkly small rocks would be tied with fine sinew and suspended behind my ears. If I had thought about it, I would probably have looked like a frightening sight. But, that was the thing, I didn’t think about it, I just enjoyed it.One day, a warm winter day, the sun shining bright and the temperature jumping for a few precious days, I went down to the lake edge wearing only my fur boots and the bear coat. The coat came to mid shin and the boots to about the same place. I intended to break the ice at the edge of the lake and take a brisk, cold rinsing of my hair and body. The three pups. ” His heart was pounding. His nerves felt like someone had raked over them with a cheese grater. He tried to calm himself down for a second. “Come on, honey, who is this so-called witness?”Dawn’s eyes glistened from unspent tears. She had loved him with all her heart, now she wondered if she knew him at all. “Al, I ... I think under the circumstances we should stop seeing each other.”It was as if she’d reached into his chest and ripped his heart out with her bare hand. How could she profess to love him and not know he wasn’t capable of such of thing? Hell, he never even told off-color jokes in mixed company. It pretty much took the fight right out of him.There was no mistaking the look on his face, it was pain, not the physical kind, the emotional kind, more pain than Dawn could ever remember seeing in anyone. She wiped away some tears that broke free and ran down her lovely cheeks. She loved him so much, or at least she loved the man she thought he was. Seeing his suffering had her.
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