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Had someone from the evening cleaning staff snuck a peek at her while she slept? She felt vulnerable. The round opening in the cast, left un-plastered to accommodate her bodily functions, had left her most delicate parts at the mercy of anyone bold enough try. She felt unsafe for the first time since the accident. Her arms and legs spread and suspended to the metal frame above her would make hiding herself impossible. Hours ticked by while she nervously eyed the door. Sleep did not come easy, but she eventually succumbed. She awoke to find her hips covered, presumably by one of the morning Nurses. She thought to complain to someone about the evenings intrusion, but something inside her let the day pass. Her self esteem was still in recovery and it left her confused. Was she flattered or horrified by last nights events? Certainly she was not OK that someone took this sort of liberty? She waited the day out with a feeling she could not describe, a mix of fear and curiosity. . Very few of us are prepared for that moment, so we stumble through it. We make a joke of it; we claim we were just acting the fool, drunk, partying or misunderstood. All of those rather pathetic rationalizations in case we made total asses of ourselves. That fear before you even start, is how do you get back? So without emotional wings to fly with, we cast ourselves out there, and without knowing what will befall, we pray to god for a gentle landing.I have often wondered wherein lay the greater trauma. Feeling terrified and ashamed if your intended lover shames you and rejects you, and says, ‘No,’ or the different kind of fear should she say, ‘Yes.’In this instance, Jeanie had just landed on my doorstep and in my lap. Damn it; like it or not, want it or not, her immediate emotional welfare was my concern and responsibility.Jeanie sat across from me at a table, nervously biting her lip. She was anxious about what she had gotten herself into and close to panic. Her hands trembled and.
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