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"Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to fuck off..."Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).Obviously. Personally, I didn’t listen to Radio 4, so I went in relaxed and excited rather than overawed. The chair of the NSPCC was with me, and the interviewer started with him before having a nice chat with me. The NSPCC guy was the designated grown up, giving concise information. I was the personal interest as both founder and a kid. The final question was about my rise from mining village to billionaire via an orphanage. I wasn’t a billionaire, but that wasn’t the time to get into it, so I just downplayed it with my rehearsed ‘I’ve been incredibly lucky’ line.The various television interviews were all a rehash of what I’d already said, though I’d been told to try and make my answers sound different each time.The lunchtime World at One interview felt harder hitting than the rest. Instead of the NSPCC guy, there was a government minister beside me, and I didn’t get the impression he was happy to be there. They tried to get me to elaborate about the person I knew who had been abused, whom I’d.
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