Indian Aunty 1233

I wanted to scoop her up, hold her and tell her everything would be ok, but I knew if I did, we would just fall back into the same old routine and I didn’t want that; this was the right decision – for me.She grabbed a tissue as she stood up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Kimmie,” I begin to start but she raised her finger, shaking her head no. She was hurt deeply. I could see the pain in her eyes as she rested them on me. Without a word she turned and walked away placing her hand over her mouth to muffle the sounds of her crying.This was the hardest thing I’ve EVER done in my life. Watching her walk away a feeling of irony swept across me. I thought it would feel doubt or uncertainty about what I decided, but instead it was one of freedom, independence. A burden was lifted, and I was Squirt no more. I still love Kimmie and Joe. And always will. But it’s about me now and my growth. It didn’t dawn on me until this moment that they still saw me as that same person. And somehow I felt safe there.My brain was spinning out of control. Thoughts bounced around in my head like ricocheting bullets. How can any decent man even stand to touch me? How can I feel what I'm feeling about any man at this strange moment? How can I enjoy being held like this after what I've been through? For only a fleeting moment I wondered if maybe I could go on with my life after all. But then I realized that I can never live down the things that I've done or the things that were done to me.That was when the flood gates opened and I lost control. I held him as if my life depended on it and I cried like a scared little girl.He didn't say anything stupid. He didn't tell me everything is going to be alright. He didn't say anything trite or condescending. He seemed to know just what not to say.He held me long after I stopped crying. It felt good. I didn't want him to let go. I felt safe for the first time. It's a feeling I never got when I was with Jimmie. I can't remember ever.
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