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There were a lot of people, with which I had nothing in common. I didn?t want to gothere, but did it just to be nice to Elin. She hadpromise to give me a lift home, but I had to promise to stay one hour. Shedidn?t drink anything stronger than water so she could drive her car. I thinkshe was prepared to do so. I saw her on the otherside of the room talking to a very hair-haired and rather nice-looking gay lad.They looked both in my direction and the boy came over to me, directed of her,I could understand and felt fairly humiliated. - Hallo there - Hallo! I answered ina social and polite way. He was nice to look atbut he wasn?t Mats. - Are you alone here? - No I came with Elin. I answered him politely but could detect chillinessin my voice.? Actually I just wantedto go, leave him and go back to my own sorrow. Sometimes it is somasochistically nice just to feel sorrow for oneself, especially when nobodyelse does it. But I stayed of an inscrutablereason. - Elintalked about you and that. Thus began a long string of lost loves for me.In high school, I thought I had finally found true love. At seventeen, I was madly in love with Nancy Jo and scored my first pussy. I was in heaven.But things came crashing down when I discovered I was not the only one fucking Nancy Jo. I thought my world had ended and even contemplated suicide.I was naïve enough to think if a girl let you fuck her, she really loved you, but I was sadly mistaken. Nancy Jo was fucking multiple guys. After I moved on, I even heard stories that she had a thing for girls too.After high school, I started hitting bars. I looked older than I really was and rarely got carded. Obviously, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. Of course, I wanted sex like all young guys, but I wanted someone to love and someone to love me.I was the middle son of a family with three sons and felt I was the least loved.I soon became addicted to beer and would guzzle enough each day that I would often fall asleep in a stupor..
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