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"She avoids looking at me directly. She knows how much this hurts me... still... For weeks after our last fight, I was stuck in an emotional funk. It didn't help that I had seen it coming for weeks and weeks prior, I had stuck it out, hoping to find something to turn things around. Instead, every time we talked, afterwards, I would find myself analyzing what I had said, wondering what I had said wrong. But even seeing it coming, it hit me hard."It's because you haven't dealt with the emotions of your breakup properly", she whispers. Her quiet voice has sunk even lower, barely registering as sound and thought. Despite being barely audible, each of her words hits me like a sledgehammer in the gut, each word reopening painful gulfs in my heart, tearing open a barely healed in my soul.The words spill out, almost reflexively, a defense mechanism intended to try to cover up the holes my Muse has opened up in me. "That's impossible. I mean, it's not like I spend hours and hours on end. Don't you ever think of anyone but yourself?" What's wrong, sweetheart? What did I do?" It's what you didn't do. You called me from Atlanta to ask for my advice and you never thought to thank me. It's all about you, Sammy. You never ask how I am."This wasn't like Marcie. She never complained, not to me. "I didn't thank you because I didn't think it would work and when it did work I guess I forgot. Thank you for the advice, but as you may recall, I told you I loved you when we hung up. Doesn't that count for something?" I guess it does." How are you?" I'm getting fat. Thanks for asking." Marcie, are you all right? Do you need a hug?" I need you to ask me to dance." I'll be there in an hour," I said, hanging up before she could object.It was a quarter to twelve as I passed through the kitchen. Suzanne and Shirley were laughing so hard that they hardly noticed as I said I was going out for awhile.I was in the car before I realized that I hadn't bothered to shave or change clothes. I.
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