The problem was I couldn’t do anything until he was officially declared dead. Anyone who’s dealt with the military in general — and the Army in particular — will probably be familiar with the runaround I was getting. I wasn’t making much headway. I was asking awkward questions, such as ‘Why did I see my husband die on cable news before I get official notification?’, and ‘Where is my husband’s body?’ After a week, our bereavement leave was up. Neither of us felt like going back to work, but back we went. The whole staff — not just the nurses — went out of their way to treat Jen and I with the utmost sympathy and respect. But things weren’t going well. I still wasn’t getting any answers out of the Army. My sessions with Dr. Kovarubias went alright. She truly is a gifted professional, but I just couldn’t bring myself to hear what she was saying sometimes. My Daddy, though, was a big help. It was only a few days after that horrible newscast that he came to see me, flying all the way. After a bit of that tease, Ireplaced the finger with a gag and finished with a blindfold. Simple buteffective.****If I had thought about it - really thought about it - I might have lookedat the big picture. In the city, in an unfamiliar hotel room, the boundcaptive of one who is intent on seducing, femininizing and doing whoknows what else to me. A willing me, a very willing me.But I didn't think about it. I tested my bonds briefly. Firm, unyielding.Soon I yielded once again, surrendering further as deep, familiar rhythmsof music filled the room. My hips began to pump in the chair. Mindlesslyaroused.****Alex had given me the music and told me when to put it on. I left him fora moment, squirming in the chair. Hard. I didn't want to stop, but that was the plan. The plan so far was great.I turned on the stereo. The rhythm grabbed me as I floated around theroom. Now it was time.After a few minutes, I opened the adjoining door of my room and knockedon the other. Three times, like Alex.
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