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.. a reliable ride and a shopping budget.I'd take her to one of the malls, usually with other friends, but I'd always find an excuse to buy her a little something. Eventually we were going to movies together and I was hanging out with her late into the evening in her room (always with her roommate around and often with other friends) on days when she wasn't going out with one of her other boyfriends.We didn't really take our relationship farther than "just friends" until the Halloween party. I had dressed as Sir Galahad from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. She had dressed as a cat, black leotard, black nylons and black pumps, with little eyeliner whiskers drawn on her cheeks, and a hairband with velvet ears.Sarah was the aggressor; she wanted to play out the scene where Galahad is seduced by the sisters of Castle Anthrax. She pinned me against a wall in a dark corner and started going to town with her mouth on my ears, while digging her nails hard into my ass through my costume and. Perhaps it wasn’t possible to ever be entirely free, to feel completely safe? Perhaps I would still be stuck in this sticky web for the rest of my life, no matter if the spider was taken care of or not. What if I would always be this scared, what if I could never trust again? What kind of a miserable existence would that be? I thought about the way that I had found hope, friendship and human kindness, the way I had started thinking about a brighter future with a place, and a kitchen, of my own. But the darkness of my previous thoughts kept creeping into those brighter ones, all ending in thoughts of a bleak future where I was still waking up every single night, screaming and shaking. I sat there, thinking and rethinking, jumping between bright ideas and dark notions, going back and forth, until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I removed my boots and scooted down towards the water, pushing my feet into it, then leaning forward just enough to be able to push my hands into the soothing.
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