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It was a warm night so I drove with the top down and she giggled as the wind took her hair,"This is brilliant" she laughed, "I'd love a car like this"As we pulled up outside my house, I tossed her the keys,"It's yours mum, enjoy it" but she just sat there looking confused,"Danny it's a thirty thousand pound car, you can't just give it away like that" Ok then, I'll lend it to you for as long as you like" You're incredible do you know that?"I went round and opened her door for her hoping for a glimpse up her dress but she giggled and kept her knees together,"I could be your chauffeur" Yeah, wow great idea mum" and I took her arm, "You'll have to wear a uniform though, a smart black suit, mini skirt of course to show off those fabulous legs" Of course" she laughed, "But not too short that it would show my stocking tops" Stockings?" Of course, it's far too hot for tights" Does that mean that you're wearing them now?" Yup" but she dodged my groping hands and ran laughing in to the kitchen. I have to be smart, sure, but not at the costof losing the feminine power it was so hard for me tofind.I?m a woman, I?m a goddess, and that means thatacting from the girl god space is the only way I canhonor my creator. I can?t get all tough and distantor I lose connection with my most important thing, myown heart and its delights.I fear sometimes I will lose that open expression ofan open heart. I lived so long without it that thememories still haunt me, being shamed into actingagainst my nature, locking myself up in a tiny closetall alone because being exposed meant being shamed.That?s what I fear. And that?s what I work everydayto move beyond. Sometimes I just go up and kisssomeone who looks like they need it as a gift tomyself, as a reminder that I once was someone whoneeded a kiss and now am someone who can give kisseswith a smile and an open heart. Amen for that.I fear losing the open heart it took me so long tofind. But I know that the way I lose it is to actfrom fear rather.
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