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’ For about 10 seconds I considered putting in for a move to Glasgow too. But it was a small office then, and even if I wanted to leave London for the frozen north, unlike Jenny I didn’t know a soul there, and she hadn’t actually invited me. In fact, she might think it was distinctly creepy for me to follow her there out of the blue. She was due to start the new job the following Monday, and she was quite distant with me for the rest of the week, which felt like an extra kick in the guts for me. I thought she might be feeling guilty at leaving the job unfinished, so I told her there wouldn’t be much of a problem getting her successor up to speed, but that just seemed to make things worse. I was as miserable as sin at her leaving do. For want of something to say I asked how her boyfriend felt about the move. She looked totally confused for a second, then suddenly upset. ‘My…Paulie, I haven’t got a boyfriend, there hasn’t been anyone for months. I thought you knew that.’ We promised to. I had let alife long friend kiss me, something I had never ever considered, and Iliked it. Before that kiss, I was unsure that I could purge my demon.Now I knew that all I had to do was be the girl I always wanted to be,and be as feminine as any other girl my age.By the time I got home I actually felt pretty good about myself. I wentin the house then straight to my room where I stripped naked and stoodin front of the mirror. I had not told Bill about the special pantysince he didn't need to know that, but as I let my hand fall into mygroin, my finger slid up the thin hairy slit and I began to smile at myreflection. This one item defined me now. Any guy can pad a bra and goout, but not many look so much like a female as I do. Still naked, Iwent into the bath and filled the tub, adding sweet bath salts and abit of bath oil. In a few places I could feel the stubble of hairreturning, and became obsessed with being as much a girl as I could be.Bath oil and a razor were the answer. I.
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