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Mike, a braver man than I, went along for the check ride even though I let him know this was my first flight in this type of aircraft.Taxiing the large plane was harder than actually flying it. It took about thirty minutes before I was lined up on the end of the runway. Mike sat beside me looking more confident than I felt at the moment. Finally I swallowed and started applying power to the two large Pratt and Whitney turbofan engines. Moments later I released the brake and we started our takeoff roll down the runway. The flight was easier than the taxiing and after about 15 minutes I returned to the runway without shedding any rubber off the tires.I taxied back to the line much quicker than I had taxied out and we soon had the aircraft fuel topped off. I was surprised that most of the people that I had met earlier were still at the hangar watching my first flight. I guess it made sense that they wanted to know that the pilot they were flying with was competent. Terry left a small. I turned off the lights and went back to bed. Maybe I can slip into that dark hole again. I lay there with my eyes open. Eventually I heard keys in the front door, saw the light as it opened. Sasha came into the dark bedroom. He stood above me, silently looking at me for a moment. ‘Hey, how are you?’ he whispered. ‘I don’t know.’ He sat on the edge of the bed and put his hand on me. ‘What did you do tonight?’ ‘Not much.’ ‘Are you feeling OK?’ I didn’t answer. He didn’t ask again. He got undressed and came into bed with me. He lay close, but didn’t try to embrace me. I was relieved. It occurred to me at last why I felt so ambiguous towards him. I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t deserve it. Long after Sasha’s breathing told me he was asleep, I lay in the same position, eyes open, looking at the street light outside the bedroom window. The thoughts I had been avoiding kept trying to sneak into my head, I had become too tired to fight them off now. The strongest one, the one I dreaded.
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