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Then I ask again if your admirer is watching and you tell me that yes he is and you can see a lump in his jeans now from where we sit. I tell you to bring your hand up and suck your fingers for him and me to see. You again, say yes Master and slowly take your fingers to your lips and then slide them into your mouth as your look straight at him and then at me as you suck your juices off your fingers. You tell me that his hand has moved to his lap and that he is slowly rubbing his cock through his jeans trying to not let others see. At this time the waitress brings our bill, I pay her and we stand to leave, having to walk right by your new friend as we do. As we approach him I look up and start to laugh as he is a friend of mine and he shakes his head laughing and calls me an asshole for having you tease him like that. As I introduce you I assure him that until now while I knew what was going on I didn’t know it was him. We sit down and have a drink together and then I tell him. This is not a decision to make lightly. Tell me what you are thinking and feeling as you ponder this." Everything is at war. I want her; I hate myself for wanting her. I think about her. I hate myself for thinking about her. I hide from her. I hate myself for hiding from her. Do you see a pattern?" Ray joked sarcastically."It sounds like you still have these strong unresolved feelings for your wife. And are guilty over them." She cheated on me." You suspected that she was." Thinking and knowing are two different things. You may think there is a hell. I know there is one. That makes our feelings and motivations completely different. I didn't want to know. Then it was so blatant that I couldn't lie to myself anymore. Each of my senses knew there was someone else. I couldn't deny it without denying everything else. I may as well have denied my own existence, denied that water is wet, ice is cold. It was that empirical. And then a marriage that was crumbling but being repaired, fell.
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