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You fill my thoughts and my heart hurts. I wish for a different outcome. Crazy thoughts shoot through my head, bouncing off memories of you. What if I’d called sooner? I should have sent more little positive messages. I should have just asked permission to visit. If I had, you’d still be here, fighting. Then I wouldn’t have this huge ache inside. I recognize these thoughts as foolish, and I brush them aside. I focus on better, positive thoughts. On healthier imaginings. The other part of me is happy you no longer suffer. I couldn’t stand to hear you talk about the pain. It made me feel helpless, the simple words I had to offer seeming insignificant and paltry. The ache is eased simply knowing your pain is forever gone. I smile thinking of you reunited with your daughter. The daughter we all wanted, who left too soon. I can see you both, beautiful and happy, relaxing together in a warm, sun dappled meadow, finally at peace. I don’t know how long it will take for my pain to ease. Carver sat down and I finally got a chance to look at his medals. He had so many it looked like his chest was a billboard, with all the different colors and ribbons. Except for a couple, the Legion always wore the presentation medals with the ribbon and medal attached. Carver had miniatures set in small ribbons across his chest. I had to admit, it looked a lot less gaudy than what I was wearing, and a lot neater too. The only two I wore that really meant anything to me, were my paratrooper medal and one I wore on the ribbon around my neck. It had been presented to me by the President of France and the Legion Commanding General in a Special Ceremony when I returned from Algiers. I was going to put it on Bill's coffin today to show a token of respect for a man that I admired very much. Although my grandfather had been buried with Military Honors, he had written it into his will that his uniform was to be kept for his first grandchild who went into the military. I had it hanging in my.
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