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"Sure hope he doesn't decide to take you with him when he goes. Linda has appreciated the extra help you've given her around the place." My uncle noticed my white face and frowned. "Something wrong, Shelly?" It's nothing," I mumbled, sinking into a chair. "Just hungry, I guess."I read the telegram through a haze of fear. It was true. My stepfather had been laid off his job and was on his way to the farm. I swallowed back the bitterness that welled up in my throat and tried to give Nat a brave smile."I haven't seen Frank in some time," he said, "but I know he likes poker." He slapped his thigh and pushed a callused hand through his hair. "I'll be lookin' to win some of his last paycheck off him."Aunt Linda fixed me a late breakfast and I didn't look up once until the plate was clean."Anything wrong, darling?" she asked finally, pressing my hand with intimate warmth, a reminder of the night before."No!" I blurted quickly. "Nothing at all."How could I tell even Aunt Linda that my. It was a face I wore more hours every daythan I did my own. I rubbed cold cream into that face, wiping it awaywith a towel to reveal my unadorned features. Paul Ripley was back. Orwas he?Just as film actors often find it useful to stay 'in character' betweenscenes so I was staying in character to the extent of still walking likea woman and using feminine gestures in private. These had been drilledinto Alec Delon and me back at the PoW camp when we were rehearsingplays, drilled into us to the extent that we could both slip into themeffortlessly when playing women. Because my life might depend on it Icouldn't risk a mistake, so I now used those moves and gestures fulltime. What worried me was that if this masquerade went on much longer Imight have to relearn how to move and gesture like a man. Same with myvoice. I didn't have the deepest of voices anyway, but I'd practiced andpracticed so that it sounded natural when I spoke in a female register,and I hadn't used my male voice since I.
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