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‘I’m so sorry.’ ‘You don’t need to be.’ She stood up. ‘Have another cigarette and come back when you’re ready, OK?’ She leaned down to look closely into my eyes and I nodded again. ‘Silly cow.’ I smiled a wan smile to myself as she walked away. I had never had a lover since University. I had always hoped, always half expected that Jess would claim me. I knew at the same time that she never would but nobody came close, nobody else mattered in that way. Oh, of course I had had people to share my bed, to fuck, but that’s all it was. They always disappointed, always fell short. Only Jess would do. I smoked another cigarette then, feeling extremely silly and embarrassed walked slowly back towards the hotel. Tippi was standing on the path, the sun behind her and through the soft white cotton of her long skirt her legs were shadows. I couldn’t see her face. ‘I feel such a twat.’ She slipped her arm through mine and we walked like that towards the house. ‘We all knew how you feel about her.. I closed my eyes and began to daydream as I took him into my mouth. I closed my eyes and found my self in a fantasy where I was kissing him and he was kissing me. We were at work and in the back closet like we did every once in a while. The kisses became more and more passionate and he began to caress me rougher and rougher. I tried to break the kisses off, but he wouldn’t let me. He pushed me down against the ground and reached under my skirt with his hand. There was something in his hand. “Oh my god, it’s a knife.” I screamed out in my mind. My body only moaned slightly. His cock twitched in response to my vibrating moan. With that razor sharp knife he slashed into me and cut off my panties. He undid his pants and pulled out the cock that I was now sucking so intimately. He pressed it against my slit and pushed in. He broke through the hymen, and kept pushing. I don’t know why, but I found my self turned on and I couldn’t open my eyes for the life of me. Something was wrong and I.
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