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He was somewhere in between. He had to makeJulienne make one more swap no matter how it turned out. He didn't careif he would be reduced to a thumb sucking little girl in daycare, hecouldn't stay as he is. He had to make a bet that in the end would makehim a complete girl or return to being a grown man.Not that he really knew what being a grown man was anymore. Health (oras it is usually called sex education) wasn't for another two years inseventh grade. He didn't really know what sex was anymore nor really the'mechanics' of where babies came from.Jay knew he had to do something. It couldn't stay like this forever. Hefound Rabbit who was lying next to him on his bed, clutched him tightlyand went back to sleep.In the morning, Jay woke up resolved to return to normal. It had beenseveral month since the swap and Jay's morning rituals was fullyingrained in his psyche. He probably wouldn't miss them, although, it'snot like he would stop brushing his teeth or taking a shower in. That was the first time Ive ever been reluctant to step indoors. What normally seems like a haven, a refuge, instead seemed like a prison to me. I lingered outside in the cool night air for as long as I could, before finally squaring my shoulders and walking through the front door. I didnt sleep that night. I kept thinking of the man, of his solidity, of his size in the wool coat he was wearing, of the streetlight shining off his bald head and the rim of his glasses. Id wanted to touch him, to place my hand on his arm, to feel the warmth of another person. Idiotic, isnt it? Mooning over a stranger. A rude stranger at that. Someone who dismissed a genuine offer of help in such a graceless, abrasive way. By the following morning Id managed to talk myself round a little. I knew I was being foolish, so it didnt take me long to dismiss the whole incident. I may have been unusually restless that day, with a vague feeling of dissatisfaction, but it probably wasnt related at all..
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