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”“So, Sergeant, are you saying that you’ll come home to help me look after this mewling sprog after the war?”“Haha, the men with families reckon being a father’s easy as fallin’ off a log.”“So, why’re you not married with a crowd of kids then, Sergeant?” Edrich asked, “I notice whenever we are billeted you steer well clear of the women who make themselves, shall we say ... available. So, do you also have a wife at home?”“No wife, I can’t trust any woman, Sir.”“Women-trouble, eh?” Edrich laughed uncertainly, “I remember you mentioning your mother, did she object to your choice of mate?”“Not exactly, after my old man died, she ... shall we say ... made herself available, at a price ... and I found that I was unable to live with that.” ***]“We advanced,” Bird continues his conversation with Art, “behind enemy lines into open ground approaching Bois Hugo Chalk Pit, which was our particular objective. Along our right flank, protected by trees and uncut wire, several enemy machine guns. Spent ages behind me tugging and messing about with it andthen she wrapped it up tightly in big rollers, put some smelly gunk on it andfinally cooked my head under a hairdryer on gas mark 7. I fell asleep and it wasonly when I heard a ting from the dryer that I woke up.The first thing I noticed was that Bridget had done strange things to my handswhile I was in the land of nod. They looked cleaner somehow and smoother, butthat wasn't what I immediately saw. What kind of drew my attention was the factthat I had false nails, about half an inch long and coloured in shocking pink!'Do you like them,' said Bridget, enthusiastically.'Erm, lovely.' I said, not convinced and wondering whether I could type withthese talons.'You have lovely hands, hon, you should look after them.'Once the hairdryer had done its evil work, she took the rollers out and using ahand dryer, pulled and teased my overworked tresses until she was satisfied.Unfortunately, I couldn't see the results of her efforts as.
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