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. It seemed to be early morning,then little by little I recognized my own bedroom.I was at home then. "Mom?" ... Then I heard my own feminine voice...again that nightmare in which I was Jacob, but this time it was a lotworse, more intense.. they were trying to tie me to a surgery room bed,both my arms and legs, I remembered my arms were tied to the arms of thebed and my legs were locked inside the stirrups.. then the gas mask.I sat on the bed crying, and doing so I could feel the weight of mybreasts. My breasts...I tried to put my feet in my pink slippers and stand up to go to thetoilet: I failed my first attempt, my head was spinning too much, as ifI had no more strenght in my legs. I sat for a bit, recovering andkeeping my head with my hands. It was then that I paid attention to thestrange feeling coming from my crotch.My heart stopped: I wanted to get get up and run in my bathroom, I HADto get up, and little by little I could reach it walking slowly.I was standing in front of my. With every ounce of energy in my body, I bolted down the hall to the stairwell. Both my Mom and Taylor called out to me but there was no way I was turning back. I needed to get out of there. While waiting for my car I didn’t realize I was pacing and mumbling to myself until one of the valet workers asked if I was ok. Forcing a weak smile, I gave him a slight head nod indicating everything was alright. I’ve always considered myself a levelheaded kind of person, never judgmental, always keeping an open mind, but this was way more than my brain could handle. With all that happened today, I was on mental overload.My hands were trembling trying to turn the ignition. I drove. Nowhere in particular. My mind was blank as I road down the highway. The dark cloud that dissipated before has now returned with a vengeance, consuming me. How can everything about my life change in a little over three months? Sure, there were great things I’ve experienced. But, to me, the bad far.
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