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Three times in my life I had given up everything for this man. The first time was indirectly through my mom, when I became Melly giving up my future, my life and my gender. The second, of course, was choosing the security of my life with him over the potential love of Mike. The third was keeping Patricia just at arms length so that I would never allow myself to get too close to assess if Patricia was what I needed in my life over Charles.Yet oddly, I could never commit all the way to him. I suspect I wanted to, why else was I subconsciously choosing to look more like my mother over the years? When I held up that Barbie doll to the surgeons years back and told them that is what I wanted to look like, did I not realize that how I viewed Melinda? But most of all, why was it I thought that pretending to be a woman and companion of this man, was any different than the pretending I was doing before? My whole life now, whether I wanted to believe it or not, was a role. Every single word I. “Jab tune gaand offer ki tab meine itna socha nahi, agar pata hota to turanth accept karta. ” He said feeling my ass with back of foot. I shied away. “Sheena idar aao”, the man called out. I kept looking in the direction. Slap! Slap!. I’m not supposed to lift my eyes from ground and it must remain fixed.The lady walked into the room in a red saree and was asked to be seated on a chair at other end of room. All I could see was her brightly painted toe nails, and started thinking how she may look. I was there on my knees, naked, accused of molesting a lady, being humiliated by two powerful men but still thinking how hot she is, Shame on me!. The man asked driver to bring a plate and some water, he did. The plate was placed near the lady and water was poured into. Did he mix something into water may be not.She was asked to place her feet in water. I was told I can leave once I properly apologize and first step into it is to drink that water in which she washed her feet. I had no choice.
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