DESI TANGO(12.07.21)
Stretching like a starfish, I let them cradle my neck and settle around my ears. The day replayed through my mind like a silent movie, and my thoughts settled on Mr Renshaw.Mr Renshaw. I caught myself smiling whenever I thought of my favourite teacher. A serious-minded, clever man with heavy-hooded eyes and reddish hair. In his late thirties, I guess, he was sweetly shy of eye contact and always removed his glasses and fingered the frame when absorbed in his lectures. His modern history class on revolutionary Russia often took in literary excursions, from Dostoevsky to Nabokov, that fired my mind and inspired my love of all things Russian.He was also a deeply kind man. The period around dad leaving hit us hard. That winter of 2012, coming to school wearing a heavy, khaki-green parka from a military surplus store was humiliating for a sensitive kid on the frontier of adolescence, but it was all mum could afford. I quietly endured the teasing and bitching from girls in designer coats. I watch his eyes. He is soaking up the view of me. And, I might add, I do the same."You were difficult to find," he chides me. I remain silent. "It took some doing but I see now where you are." Why are you even here?" I ask at this point I am terribly suspicious of his actions."Why? To keep you out of trouble, which I see I am too late to prevent." He doesn't sound angry, just amused. I am not sure why this disturbs me more than if he was angry, I was used to his pain."I am a master now. I believe I have managed just fine." I use my most frosty tone with him."I seemed to remember you making promises." He says darkly."The promises were for all of us." I lift my head up a little higher. I am not going to defend the choice I was forced to make. "I didn't believe in the power of chaos like the rest of you." I go on. "I only wanted to help you." I know little one. It was what saved me. What made me go on." He smiles at me, really smiles. I had never seen that before."You ... have changed,.
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