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Scared and excited. I had told her everything, all my secrets,and if she had been playing me for a fool everyone one campus would soonknow. By the time I drifted off to sleep I was frantic with worry. Howcould I have been so stupid?But she met me for lunch just like she promised and within minutes Iknew that she hadn't told anyone about my secrets. Indeed I felt thatshe would never betray me that way and by the time we finished lunch itwas almost time for dinner and she had shared such intimate details ofher own private life that I knew that my secrets would always be safewith her. Whenever we were alone she started calling me 'Jill' but neverforgot to call me 'Josh' when someone else could overhear. After dinner we went back to her dorm again, her roommate had not yetarrived for fall classes, and she showed me a smooth plastic dildo shekept locked in her makeup case. She told me about her sexual encountersand confessed that she used the dildo 'more often than she had to'because she. She felt confident her involvements were controllable but was unsure about him since she knew he had a great untapped capacity to love. ‘Lois and Carl wanted to know where we were staying, so I told them,’ she said. He was preoccupied with thoughts of Claudia and could think of little else. He began to miss her. Wondering what the rest of the night would be for her. When he didn’t answer Charmaine she feared his preoccupation had to do with his experience at the club, when he was upstairs. She looked at him as he drove wondering if she knew him as well as she thought she did. When they got in bed she asked how his night had been. He didn’t want to talk about it and had no interest in her experience with Carl or any other man for that matter. He wasn’t one of those men that cared about his wife’s sexual exploits, nor did he find any vicarious thrill in it. It was her reality, she owned it and she was entitled to have it. Yet her silence was insistent demanding he say something. ‘It.
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