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” Lilly poked to make me flinch. “Oh, you think that’s so funny huh? Do you want to find out lover boy?”“Learn what? I thought that my initiation was over.” “This isn’t initiation Pal. This is getting you adjusted to cleaning the milk house. And you made the choice to stay naked but don’t assume that you are clean. I want you REALLY clean for the next step and you’ll have to get used to sanitizing me too. What have you got to lose?” “Maybe just my virginity?,” I asked with a big question mark kind of smile.In theory I figured that I knew what she was aiming to do to me -- in theory. I’d heard her leave enough hints in conversation and I made that statement with a smart ass flare covering up my growing nervousness as my parochial vanguards kicked in to protect me from ... what? I wondered just how losing one’s virginity was actually managed.I didn’t really know what a “Virginity” was. I remembered high school talk about popping somebody’s cherry. I had no idea what that was but I. " she sighs with relief, the slightest hint of a smile appearing for the first time since this terrible tragedy began.I knew I couldn't save the world this time. But somehow... someone did. I lower my face to my hands and begin to cry.My tears hurt Dawn deeply. "Sorry to disappoint you!" she mutters. I sob even harder. Sometimes it feels good to let out what's inside, even if tears are all I have."Wait..." she says, "is... is that happy crying?" Yes, dummy!" I reply, surprised and teary, "You think I wanted the world to end?!" I don't know," she says, so softly, looking into my eyes with such sadness. "Didn't you?"I just stare at her. Of course I didn't! And yet... this life, this world... it has been my Hell for so long. Somewhere deep inside, maybe I did want it all to just end. I've tried to hide my pain from my friends, but they know. They've always known. And Dawn most of all. She thought I didn't want her. And all along she was the only thing I did want."Dawn..." I whisper, "I'm.
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