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A couple days ago, I overheard that he didn't have his car for whatever reason and needed a ride home. I offered myself up right away. He actually said “Thanks, that would be great.” I was instantly hot. And wet. And nervous. We walked to the parking deck together, and then, out of nowhere, he started venting; no, gushing, about the shitstorm that is his current home life. I could see the helplessness in his eyes. Turns out he lives with a girlfriend (Boo!) He has come to realize that this girlfriend, once the love of his life, is, deep down, a skinny redneck whore. With a drug problem. Wow. I can see how miserable he is, and the sob story is confirming all the signals I’ve been working so hard to decipher. A We just had to get nasty and freaky, as soon as possible. We would feel so much better about our lives! As we drove, he gave me directions and told me more about how sexless his relationship had become, and how he wanted to help her but the drugs were taking over. He thought she. Dad is no help. He's a dear and I know he loves me, but he just doesn't understand. Oh, he's good enough about being open and honest with me about whatever questions I put to him. Well, sort of ... I can tell when a question makes him uneasy for some reason. But he always does his best to answer me.About a year ago my body suddenly started to bleed along with the dark of the moon, he assured me that it was a natural part of growing up. He did his best to explain things to me, then he did one better and hauled me off to see a woman doctor who explained the whole thing to me pretty good. At least the plumbing and how it works. But none of this addresses what I feel inside.Sometimes I think I'm on fire inside. I feel a burning desire for ... I don't know. Still the dreams haunt me.Darkness. I'm alone in my bed. Earlier my father tucked me in and then tenderly kissed my forehead. I waited in the dark until I heard him go down for the night himself. When I hear the rumbling of his snore.
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