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I have to admit she was pretty cute too. She was an older widow, maybe in her late 50’s, thin with toned, tanned legs and small, but firm looking tits. Her smile always lit up the room when she came by to see how things were going.I grabbed a beer and plopped down on the couch and just watched the water outside. It wasn’t long before I heard a knock on the door.“Come on in” I said“Hey Mark!” said Maria. “I see you’re home alone again”“Yeah, Dawn decided that a cheap massage and some shopping is better than the plans we had.”“Ah, I’m sorry to hear that, sounds like you guys aren’t getting along too well.”It was more of a statement than a questions, but either way it opened up the flood gates.“ugh, yeah it’s been horrible lately. I don’t know what’s wrong. I mean our kids are gone this should be the best time of our lives now, right?”Maria sat down on the couch next to me. Her legs were pretty close to mine and I couldn’t help but to admire them. I caught myself quickly though and. I took pictures of my body in all manner of violent scenes and doctored them to look as real as possible. I was always naked in both story and picture. Sex and death had become intertwined. I had to be so comfortable with what lay ahead as to have it become real in my mind. When the day would dawn that I would end my life, I wanted it to be as if I was opening a door to another reality and triumphantly stepping through to the new beyond. Knowing that I would join my wife made it easy to imagine. I hoped that I would be strong and able to withstand the pain and agony of destroying my bodily vessel. The body is merely a carrier of our soul and what makes us who we are. I began to chose the implements, devices that I would use. I got the plans for a guillotine off the net. Don’t get the wrong idea. It would only be used as a final method to end my life. I would surely suffer great agony and pain prior to the finish. I also found a design for a gallows type beam structure for a slow.
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