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There was a number on the note so I called it. Jillian answered and I said I loved it! I said “It’s kind of late tonight but why don’t you two come over for supper tomorrow night I’ll fix some steaks.” Jillian said they’d bring a salad and that they’d be over at 7:30. I watched TV that night for a bit, read my book and turned out the lights early. As I lay there trying to go to sleep, I could hear moaning on the other side of the wall. Great! That’s ALL I need! I turned over and covered my head with a pillow but it seemed like it just got louder. I finally gave up, turned on my light and picked up my copy of Penthouse. Propping my head up with the extra pillow, I thumbed through the pages listening to the moaning behind my head and reached down…… A bolt of electricity went through me as I noticed one of the pages was marked with a corner folded down. “Damn! No way!” The next day was pretty busy. A couple of routine transfers and then a. “How can you say that? I’m mad about you.” “Am I your slut now?” “Do you enjoy your work?” “What?” “Do you like having sex?” “What do you mean?” “Do you love fucking other people on camera?” He couldn’t have expressed it more bluntly. The set fell silent and I saw everybody turning in our direction. They all wanted to know. If I said no, then they would have known that I was a phoney. If I said yes, I was going to lose him. Slowly and painfully, I turned towards my fellow thespians, the director and the crew. This was where I found acceptance, this was where I grew up and found my niche. Outside, in a world who lusted after me, I found rejection. There I was a whore and a slut. Here, I was somebody, but for how long? Could I have given it all up for this man? Would he dump me when people started rejecting me in his world? “Be honest.” “I cannot choose.” “That’s not what I asked you.” “Yes,” I whispered, too afraid to look into his eyes to see his reaction. “I can’t hear you.”.
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