"You had beeneating so well, and now you have barely touched your meals these pastseveral days!"Well of course Dick had consumed more than half of those portions, butthe household must never know of it. Dot tried to smile and lookreassuring. "I am sure I shall be better any day now, never fear! Iwould not be surprised to soon be eating better than ever."Nurse clucked and fussed but let the conversation go at that.Next day, as shadows lengthened beneath the garden wall, Dot was arousedfrom her studies by the clink clink of small pebbles striking thelibrary window!Startled, she jumped up and ran outside. There was the old doctor,peering over the wall at her, with another missile in his hand ready tolaunch! It was such a comical sight, she could not repress a laugh. Shewas also laughing from relief as she fetched the hidden ladder on herside of the wall and raised it into position.But when the doctor had descended, and assisted the doll like creaturewho followed him, her smiles were. ’ I smiled a wan smile to myself as she walked away. I had never had a lover since University. I had always hoped, always half expected that Jess would claim me. I knew at the same time that she never would but nobody came close, nobody else mattered in that way. Oh, of course I had had people to share my bed, to fuck, but that’s all it was. They always disappointed, always fell short. Only Jess would do. I smoked another cigarette then, feeling extremely silly and embarrassed walked slowly back towards the hotel. Tippi was standing on the path, the sun behind her and through the soft white cotton of her long skirt her legs were shadows. I couldn’t see her face. ‘I feel such a twat.’ She slipped her arm through mine and we walked like that towards the house. ‘We all knew how you feel about her. We always knew.’ I nodded, was that all I was capable of doing? Tippi stopped, restraining me with her gentle grip on my arm and turned me to face her. ‘You cant help how you feel. Nothing.
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