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For me, it didn’t come natural. Besides, I felt self-conscious. Most guys didn’t seem drawn to a six-foot, heavyset young black woman who was sweaty half the time from playing rugby or working out at the gym. Lots of other young black women on campus had my dilemma. They were pretty, and talented, but didn’t seem to be attracting the young black men. Most of them, especially the athletes, seemed to desire only white or Latin women. I’m not hating on them. You go with whoever makes you happy, you know? Life is too short to focus on color when looking for love. When I asked a young black man named Patterson about that, he had some strange things to tell me. He told me that most of the young black guys on campus thought the young black women were mean and downright hostile to black males in general. That’s why most of them dated outside the race. I was stunned. Patterson shrugged. He was just being honest. When I returned to my dorm that Friday night, alone as usual, I had some thinking. He was moving toward me, which he had to do to exit. He smiled as he looked down at my breasts. I might as well have been topless. In fact, as I looked away from Deacon, my eyes rested on our wall mirror, which was opposite where I stood, and there I was, looking back, my areolas high atop the cups, my nipples resting on the rim of the bra cup. I was transfixed for only a moment and then Deacon was beside me, His mouth was at my ear, saying he was sorry. He stood there, next to me, his body so close to mine. His mouth remaining at my ear. I thought he was going to say something else and I waited, transfixed. I finally looked up and he was staring at my uncovered breasts, held high in the pushup. I actually thought he was going to, lean down and take a nipple in his mouth but then it was over as he moved past me. I did not turn around as the door opened and closed. I slowly made my way back upstairs and continued to dress. When Greg came up a few minutes later, I was already dressed..
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