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I decided there and then that I would have to devise some way in which I could be a witness to the frequent punishments that they were likely to be subjected to. I told Tracy of my determination to witness their punishments and she was absolutely appalled at the suggestion. They had a large old fashioned cupboard in their sitting room with latticed doors where I could easily conceal myself on a Saturday night when they were both due the routine spankings. I would be able to see the whole proceedings from within the dark interior of the cupboard through the lattice work without being discovered. Of course I needed Tracy's cooperation in order to gain entrance to the house and to hide myself within. She wouldn't hear of it and it was only when I threatened to tell the whole school of the way their mother punished them that she reluctantly agreed to help. I had to promise though not to tell anyone else of our arrangement not even Sean. I am now thoroughly ashamed of this blackmail but I. Don't forget the disappointment either. Remember how sure you were that everything would work out?One of the biggest problems is that it not only affects you, but it has a tremendous impact on the others in your family as well. Everyone was expecting it to be there, counting on it in fact, even you and now it's simply gone. Can't you see the disappointment and anger in their faces?"What are you going to say to them? What is done is done? What good will that do? You needed it and so did they, and because you weren't careful it's not there. Sometimes being sorry doesn't cut it. Isn't that what you've told your children time and time again?You know now that the deal stinks and standing there looking disgusted won't help matters any. It certainly won't do anything to placate those around you. Too bad you didn't think about what could have gone wrong earlier.I suppose your only consolation at this point is knowing that you're not the only one whose been duped. It's happened many times.
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