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Miranda said, “The supervisor’s right, the night shift is different. You gotta take care of the patients, but sometimes you have free time.” She paused, looking at me with a smile. “What do you do with the free time?” “Well, we can fold linen, or clean equipment, but we can always take long breaks. As long as the patients are taken care of and the work gets done, we all let everyone go their own way on graveyard.” “What do people do?” I persisted. “Oh, take catnaps, read books, watch TV—and some of the girls who are more than just friends sneak off together. They always come back looking happy, you know what I mean?” I did know what she meant. Lesbians. I’d had a couple of offers at private school and summer camp. Though curious, I didn’t want the reputation. But now I wondered about Miranda. “Um, are you…?” “Me? No, I’ve done a few things with girls in my time, but I’m too much into men to be a real lesbian. Don’t worry, June, I’m not going to take you into a spare room and. What I remember most were the eyes. Dead eyes. Living eyes looking dead. Eyes appearing huge because of the emaciation of their bodies. It was strange to watch the other soldiers deal with this impossible-to-grasp reality. Some would turn hard, you could see their faces, their expressions, even their personalities change. Many would slip into denial. It was like going to Joyland as a kid, as soon as we got to the amusement park, our real lives were left behind. Others, too many of us, couldn’t deal with it at all. Some requested transfers to other units. Some drank. I was one of the drinkers. I had always liked a drink now and then, name a cop or soldier that didn’t. But now I had to have a drink to eat breakfast. I had to drink to go to sleep. I had to drink to stay asleep. I was haunted. I lost weight, I walked around in a daze. We were cut some slack, it was tough for everyone. Finally it came to a head. I was found in a drunken stupor while on guard duty. This couldn’t be.
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