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I just want to be here for a couple of nights. Then I will leave Bombay.”The Begum clammed up again, trying to compute this bizarre and unprecedented situation.“Let me get this straight. You are clearly an educated woman, and probably a career woman. You say you don’t need any money. But you want to work for me here for a couple of nights….as a prostitute? Why? Just for the sex?”I did not say anything. When the Begum spoke next, it was in a very gentle and caring voice,“Are you sure you know what you are saying? What you are willingly getting into?”“Yes, Begum, I do.” I replied meekly.“Okay well… I don’t know what you motivations are, but you have come here of your own free will. I won’t look a gift horse in the face. You are very beautiful. I don’t get the super rich clients like those high class Madams do, but I am sure I can get some of my well-off Johns to pay as much as a thousand for one time with you…”“No, that is not what I want.” I interrupted her.“Excuse me?” she said. .My heart skips a beat just looking at him.He takes my hand, we dance, and I love the feeling of his strong armsaround me.By the time the dance ends I'm trembling with a feeling I cant put myfinger on.Then he kisses me, and I can name it.I'm in love with him.I want him to hold me, and kiss me, and do things I am not equipped forwith me ....Then I wake up, crying.I dont know what to do about this.I dont know who I can talk to.I know dreams aren't real, but it comes from somewhere, but where?And its not just the dream. Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, andI look .... wrong, somehow. I look and I half-expect to see the girl frommy dream looking back at me.And the fact she doesn't is a grief I cant even begin to describe ....I've got to pull myself together, shake this off somehow.I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but who?My dad is a man's man, he's counting on me to follow in his footsteps. Goto collage, be the Big Man on Campus, marry a girl just like mom, he'dnever.
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