Instead of the expected rush of coke, I feel the slow warming of MDMA. I pass the tray to Natalia, and then say to Max: ‘I love this studio. Who’s attached to those gorgeous boots on the wall?’ She smiles and flips on a light, and I see that the wall is covered in a 20-foot portrait of none other than Natalia. ‘She’s my muse,’ says Max. ‘Is she yours as well?’ We chat, and by the time the bottle makes its way around twice we’re old friends. I do my best to sound like I know something about painting. My efforts, if not convincing, at least seem to be endearing for Max. ‘I know what Natalia’s creative outlet is,’ she says, ‘but what’s yours?’ ‘I used to draw. Mainly self portraits, in charcoal and pastels. I lived in an attic and I’d hang my drawings from the rafters. I did nudes as well, and I started doing the self portraits in the first person, from my own perspective. My legs, my hands, my cock, all just like they looked to me.’ Natalia asks, ‘Do you still have them?’ ‘I don’t. Without making any further noise I crawled slowly, turning to make sure no one else in the building on another balcony was noticing, and crouched besides the window to look inside through the open section of the curtains. My heart skipped a beat. There she was, sitting straight as a sadhu with her eyes closed in deep contemplation.She looked angelic in her white T-Shirt and trackpants all of which gave away the shape of her body in such a graceful way. She was a sight to behold. She was a darling to my eye. I wished I were forty and that had a wife like her.I could see a slight red rash over the base of her neck, over where her silver chain clung to the skin, probably a mosquito bite and a subsequent scratch. I wished how I could have captured that mosquito that had kissed her neck last night, trap it in fresh tree sap, solidify it to amber and make a necklace out of it.I imagined Shweta maasi and me walking along a tropical beach overlooking a pink sunset with no one around, just her.
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