I think I did it more than anything to get away from my mom. To get away from the unhappiness.”I sat patiently...it seemed like there was a lot of pent up emotion behind this.“I've never fit in. And I've always blamed my mom for that. But now...I'm just not sure.”She laid her head on my shoulder, and her other arm grabbed my bicep.“I've never known a good guy. But they all say you are. How do I know you're for real?” She looked up at me, waiting for a real answer.I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.“That's for you to decide Lindsey. Sometimes you need to just take that step and see for sure.”She leaned up so our lips were just close enough not to touch.“It all seems real…..” she trailed off, and her lips fell into mine. We kissed for a while, soft, without pressure or demands. Just lips touching lips, neither giving or taking.She straddled me and started to put a little intensity into the kiss.“You are real, right? This is all real, right?”It wasn't a question that. "Well, to tell the truth, MOST of what you see is from when I firststarted being Heather," I admitted."Oh? Then where is the rest?" Ever since I got the breast forms and gaffe, I've spent any money forclothing on the glue and solvent as well as lingerie."Mommy hugged me, "I NEVER thought about how much that you've sacrificed tobe a girl, Heather. We can order you a bodysuit that will transform youinto a woman, but once you've worn it, Heath is no more," she declaredwith tears in her eyes.I saw in that moment that Mommy was afraid of what could happen to me evenmore than I had been. As a nurse, she knew the physical trauma inflictedupon the poor souls that had despaired of becoming women and had mutilatedtheir bodies as well as those in transition who were caught and brutallyattacked. But I somehow knew that there was something that she was nottelling me."Momma, what are you not telling me?" No matter what, you can never pass as a girl with a gynecologist, norpass a D.N.A. test." Not.
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