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Jeff walked me to the door and he hugged me. ‘I’m glad you came in.’ I lost it. I buried myself in his arms and started to sob. I had no true friends. My family was cordial but I couldn’t tell if they really loved me or I was just their responsibility and an appropriate reflection of their status. I treated people according to what I thought they could do for me. How did I turn out such a mess? It was all Jeff’s fault. I couldn’t remember the last time I had an unguarded moment before I met him. ‘Be my friend,’ I asked. He held on until I settled down. ‘Of course.’ He wrote down his number and said to call if I needed to talk. I told him I’d call to make arrangements to drive back to school. Then I left. I composed myself and by the time I was home, I was the ice queen again. I couldn’t decide if my visit with his family had been enriching or traumatic. Jeff had told me on the ride home what Thanksgiving would be like at his house. Everybody would say what they were thankful for. Sam. When I awoke again mom was not there. My pajama bottoms were a sticky mess and I had to pee something awful. I got up and rushed to the bathroom. The door was closed. I knocked on it but there was no answer. I tried the knob and found it was locked. I asked if she was okay and she call back saying she was just soaking in the tub. I had to pee so bad that I ran to the laundry room and peed into the laundry tub. After cleaning up and getting dressed I checked and found mom still in the bathroom.After grabbing a bite to eat I checked and mom was still in the bathroom so I went out to the hired hands room and looked at magazines. The newspaper was still on the floor and once again I soaked it with my come. Soon looking at naked women in magazines was boring. I wondered if there were magazines showing men and women fucking. That would really be something.When I went into the house I found mom on the couch with a cloth over her eyes. She was having a bad day so I tiptoed out.
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