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I’ve found myself jealously guarding all that is important to me, convinced that at any moment it will be ‘stolen.’ Everything going on around me seeming to be a personal threat, all perspective lost, as I’ve spent hours seeking out the most tenuous pieces of evidence to confirm my fears. Nights have been spent alternating between fretting over the future or plotting revenge over imagined slights that never even happened, and deep shame and self-hatred for acting so impulsively.To be honest, I was quite exhausted. Having all this churning, angry, destructive jealousy dwelling inside me made me feel very uncomfortable, so I felt it might be easier to pull my chimp out of my body and sit it down to have words.At first, I had assumed that my chimp would be male due to its aggressive, competitive and caustic behaviour, but when I finally sat it down on my lap, I saw a defiant petulant girl, eyes blazing, teeth barred ready for a fight. This little madam was definitely of the female. --- "Oh, I'm sorry. I wanna be a good boy for you." --- she said kind of hurt.--- "I think we'll find some things for you to prove yourself." --- he said, balancing a beacon strip over her nose.--- "Oh, I'll do anything." --- she said, while assuming a begging position. --- "Anything you want."After a bit more of begging, he let go of the piece of bacon, and she caught it in her mouth. After chewing on it, she "barked" two times.After Ben finished, he placed the cold scrambled eggs and cold toast in the bowl, he then poured some milk on it, and beacon grease from the frying pan, and squashed it into a pulp with a spoon.--- "No hands" --- he ordered while she approached the bowl.She started to eat. Eating this disgusting pulp, out of an old dog bowl, on her hands and knees, was very degrading. She thought he was still a bit mad at her for interrupting his jack offs. She felt his eyes on her body, the whole time. The food was awful, but that was the way it should be. She licked every.
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