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And right now you believe, it too. But I'm not sure I can risk it. It took a long time to lose that headache." She looked scared at the prospect that I would not relent. "We'll give it one more try though." Her expression changed to one of relief. "You'll work on the script. There are some revisions." She nodded animatedly. "You'll be kept shackled, though." More nods of agreement. "There'll be no more rapes. IF you behave. But if you don't you'll be beaten and you'll be back in here with the 'available' sign on the door. Do you understand?"She nodded. I still wasn't convinced. I should have let Rick do a proper orientation job on her. I aimed to mention it to him later. He could have a go as soon as we finished the first script. I left Rachel, giving instructions to the guards to clean her up and put her back to work on the script. They were disappointed of course but later I heard they were laying odds on how soon she'd be back on the available list. I gave the receptionist her tit. They both represent the relationship between thought and experience, and are used by the Holy Spirit to celebrate one of the most glorious human potentials: our capacity to change.There is a tendency these days to analyze our neuroses ad infinitum, yet use the analysis itself to justify rather than heal the wound. After a certain point, having seen why a pattern developed (“My father was emotionally unavailable”, or “My mother abused me”) and the effect it has had on our personalities (“I don’t know how to let a man get close to me,” or “I now have a hard time trusting any authority figure”), actual change occurs because of a decision on our part: the decision to heal, the decision to change. It ultimately doesn’t matter so much why I become angry or defensive. What matters is that I I want to be healed, and I ask God to help me.Like an actor reading lines from a script, I can choose a new response to life, a new reading. Some people at this point would yell, “Denial!” But what are.
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