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When we left i told ‘him’ that i was really upset. he just reminded me that his wife was just very giving…one of the things he loathed in her, but desired in me… my’ lack of interest in everyone’…my cold heart, my selfishness and pride. sickingly, he said it made him ‘wanna fuck me.’ and so i looked out the window for a long time on the way back to our shared apartment. we drove two hours each way and there was plenty of time for quiet repose. we only talked about fucking and scrabble, really. i spent a lot of time staring out windows. though my life is much different now, i still wonder who that girl was? not only me, but his wife…her dirty children with snot encrusted nostrils and her trailer smelling of potatoes rotting at the bottom of a trash can. i think sometimes i could be happy with anyone. there is nothing special about people. we all have a different story that happened in a different place and time, but we have the same fabric internally. we know the same songs that. "Let's finish those boxes up like your dad asked. We need to hurry upand get back to your parents' place before they start to wonder whathappened to us. I'll tell you about it while we work." It was like, one minute I was me and the next I wasn't," Kevin saidwhen they got upstairs and started carrying the last few boxes down. "Istill remembered that I had been Kevin, but I wasn't him anymore. Ifeel like I'm repeating myself a bit on that point, but there's just noway to put that feeling into words." So, what does being Jenna Jameson feel like?" Jason asked."Well, she's a lot more confident than I'll ever be, that's for damnsure. I felt like I could walk into room and get any guy I wanted, anygirl too for that matter. It didn't even bother me that I had been aheterosexual man just a few minutes earlier. That's really about all Iremember. Most of the rest of it faded as soon as I pulled the name tagoff. I still kind of feel like I'm walking like her, like I'm stillwearing those.
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