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I guess I understand that for some of those nights I’d been really upset so it wasn’t that surprising that I would have trouble sleeping. The annoying thing was that I’d gone to bed last night feeling more or less okay. Sure, I’d had a fight with Dan, but I’d said I was sorry to him before I went to bed. Apart from that, I was feeling okay. So why couldn’t I go to sleep?I love the way oil paint sits so heavy on the brush. You can push it and shape it or smear it onto your canvas. You can stretch it out thin or pile it up thick. It has texture and the colors are full – not washed out like some water-paints are. I love to paint. You can lose yourself in the painting – building up layer after layer – slowly but surely pulling a picture out of the mess of colors. I love painting – so I was painting.Once I’d worked out that I was having a problem sleeping without someone else in the bed, you would think the solution would be obvious. All I had to do was creep down the hallway into Dan’s. "As soon as I entered the clinic, Gina asked me to take off her uniformand lie down. When I did I felt the familiar jab and became unconscious.I woke up in what I assumed was my new room tied to the bed as before. Ifelt dull aches all over my body and a weight on my chest. Oh dear, Ithought, I now know what Freda meant by further procedures. This isstraight out of the FM playbook. I went back to sleep but was woken bysomeone entering the room. As the person got closer I could see it wasGina."Ah good you are awake. I will untie you, I didn't want you to disturbyour bandages." She then noticed the tears on my cheeks. "Sorry, Davina,I guess you know what has been done to you, but it was what Fredainsisted on so you could carry out your duties. You now look like awoman, quite an attractive one I would say for your age. Most of what youhave had done is more or less reversible, but it will be very difficultto get back your original look. Now is as good a time as any to tell you.You now have.
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