Newly Married

My hips sweep out from a narrow waist in a gentle arc. Mark used to love to sweep his hands down my sides and over the curvature of my hips and on down my thighs. He used to like to just watch me walk around. He said only a beautiful woman could glide over the floor, swaying the way I did. He doesn’t say that anymore. I don’t know who I am these days. I look in my eyes in the mirror and try to see but they show me nothing. I cannot explain to Mark how much I hurt because I have caused him such deep pain. The shame of sleeping with another man is constantly on my mind, I can’t shake it. If there were some way of explaining to my husband, my love, how I truly feel, I would do it. He won’t listen to me though. I’m afraid I’ve hurt him too much. We haven’t talked much since that day when Mark walked out of the doctor’s office–just briefly, and about things to do for, or with, Alyssa. I don’t know what to say to him anyway. Doctor Jamison says I need to let my guilt slide away but I. The unique love Kylie offered to me was gone, and now some other asshole was enjoying the luxury of Kylie’s love. Again alcohol became my anaesthetic response to the problem, if only I had called Kylie and told her how I felt. That’s when the accident happened. The accident that would ruin and then save my life. What else could have happened to someone on a trail to self-destruction? Something was bound to knock me in my place eventually, but this… this was something every parent dreads. I attended a party during my term break, it was chaotic even for my standards. About one hundred people attended this behemoth of a party. Drink cans and bottle were littered along the floors and I indulged myself in a consistent streak of drinking and trying to get laid. I don’t remember if I did have sex that night, in fact I don’t remember anything. I do however remember waking up in the wreckage of a crashed car with blood soaked in my eyes before blacking out. So let me back up a bit. Based on.
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