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When I got home I was too humiliated to see Mom, ran into my bedroom and locked the door. I realized I still had the envelope in my hand. Why hadn’t I thrown it out on the way home? Maybe I was afraid someone might happen upon it, even tho it was in the garbage. It felt safer in my hands. But I knew I would have to dispose of it safely. Mom’s apartment was the last place I wanted to hide this, especially knowing how snoopy Mom was. Against my desires, I decided to look at them. They were really embarrassing and you could clearly see my face in them. Anyone that knew me would recognize me instantly! As I looked them over I realized I was getting a little aroused. This horrified me! Why would seeing these dirty pictures turn me on when I was so embarrassed by them? So humiliated? I thought back to how I felt when Chris saw me in Mom’s panties and remembered how the embarrassment caused me to become aroused, even tho that was the last thing on Earth I wanted- just like that first time. James was cleaning and putting away his lenses. He held them like babies. I used to tease him about it, but he doesn't ruffle easily."Bad news today?" James called out to me as he carefully closed the last of his lens cases."Meh," was my response. "No big surprises." Big enough for Marcos to show up, though." He waved me over to his computer. "The pictures are all here."I stood over his shoulder while he leaned down to work the laptop. "I can't believe how fast you have them now. Computers are such a mystery to me."James laughed. "Just spend more time looking at porn and you'll learn all you need to about computers." Ew!" I laughed, too, and pushed him a little. "There I am. Ta duh!"James clicked through several pages of filled with photos of me. They looked good, but as my time in the industry racked up, I began to see what others were telling me: I didn't have "IT." Something was missing, and I couldn't put my finger on exactly what IT was, but I could certainly see it was missing..
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