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So I changed into some tight swim trunks, no shirt and I poured her a lemonade with a little gin in it and took it to her by the pool. She sat up (spotting my semi through the shorts) and took the drink, and asked if I could put sun block on her back, which I did happily. In the process I asked her questions about her sex life with my son, and let her know I knew what they were doing. But in a way that let her know I was okay with it. I would never cock block my son as he was hitting that ass.I got playful and said It was kind of good to see Nick was a chip off the old block bringing home a sex pot like her. She seemed uncomfortable with the compliment but I noticed she kept checking out my package. I asked her if Nick satisfied her sexually and was giving in bed, as I always told my sons women were not just pleasure for their flesh they needed to be sure to make their lovers pleased too. She said it was okay but not always satisfying. Sometimes he finished too quick. He was only. Several years ago, I started noticing I was ... out of step with mypeers, especially the boys. But what was going on became a littleclearer a few months ago when my class did a bit on sex ed, mostlyfocused on puberty.I realized that any day I could get hit by testosterone, and startbecoming a man. And I also realized I didnt want that to happen.That given my choice, I'd rather become a girl, and then a woman.But I was too scared to do anything about it. Not that my mom would besome kind of monster, I'm sure she would come around to the idea, butI've looked up the stats. For every girl like Jazz Jennings, there aredozens, maybe hundreds who arent as lucky.It can get pretty bad out there for trans folks. And even though Canadais better than some places in the world, doesnt mean there is no riskof really bad stuff happening to me.So there I was, between a rock and a hard place, too scared to try andbe a girl, too scared to even say that's what I wanted, yet knowing ifI didnt do.
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