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“I knew something was different, but I figured it was because of the alcohol.”She was silent for a short time. Then she continued, “I remember everything.”“Oh crap.” I said to myself. I wasn’t sure how she was taking all of this. She was pretty flat. She just sat there for a little bit looking between me and the floor.Janelle looked back up at me with a hurt, quizzical look on her face. “Revenge?” she questioned. “You did that just to get back at me for how I treat you?”My mind was pretty scrambled. I hadn’t really thought I would ever be having this conversation. My mouth just started talking. “Well, maybe at first,” I said.That seemed to confuse her more than it did me. “At first?”“I mean, when you started.” I stammered. “I figured I’d see how far you would get before realizing it was me. A little embarassment for you always putting me down.”I could see a little anger flash across her face when the words came out. But my mouth didn’t seem to have an off switch and I am not sure if. He also would ask me to dinner and our inside joke was I would need to ask my husband first.About this same time my husband Jim started bringing home adult DVD’s to spice up our sex life. He seemed to like the interracial ones the best. I think maybe it was because I had briefly dated a black football player in high school before I met Jim. I never had sex with him other than one quick hand job. Thinking back about that time is one of my regrets for not going further but also a source of many fantasies of what might have been.One Friday night after the kids went to bed Jim put in another DVD he had just gotten. Jim said he specifically picked this DVD as the girl looked like me. I thought she was prettier but Jim kept saying how close we looked. I was getting pretty turned on by all this talk and the plot of the movie. It was about a black co-worker asking a married secretary out to dinner. It was similar enough to what was going on with Roger at work that I paused the movie to.
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