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The villagers seemed indifferent to me, was I invisible? I just stood there not knowing what to do. At last, a lady came over and carried my bags to a hut with a thatched roof. She smiled and was then gone.The only thing in that hut was a mat woven from something unknown to me. I was just so tired after my journey that I lay down and went to sleep. How I wished that I was back in the warmth and security of the convent.The lady came back again several hours later with a bowl of a spicy type of soup and a chunk of bread. The combination was most appreciated. She had shown me kindest but the only way we could communicate was by gestures.I named her Maria after Mother Superior. At a guess, I would say that she was thirty-something. Twice a day she would bring me food and water without her I would not have survived. After about a week I was not as clean as I should have been.There were no facilities of any kind in the village. I had noticed that the people were washing in the nearby. I played rugby and hated it but saw it as a way of conforming. At 12 I began to masturbate but always to the idea of dominant males. I began to believe that the only way they would even consider me as a sexual partner would be if I appeared to be female. So I started to wear my mother's clothes and soon began to love girdles and suspender belts and stockings. Best of all was her wedding dress...I saw myself as a bride to a commanding uniformed guy and this remained my ideal for years. I was quite innocent about all this until I reached an age where I began to wonder what was happening to me. I started to read the dictionary definitions. As a result I ran away from it all. forced myself to stop dressing, tried to date girls (disaster). University...had a girlfriend. Wild about one another but never even tried to have sex. A guy seduced me, fucked me and suddenly I thought 'this is who I am!' I had an unusual interest in transvestites and transsexuals, reading every book going but I.
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