So I drove there and surprise, the place is closed. What now, I drove to another one of my old stomping grounds and asked the girl at the desk if she knew Starr. She looked at me kind of funny like why was I asking her. So I told her that I was looking for Starr, I was her regular(lied a little) and that when I went to the place where she worked it was closed. She said yes they closed it temporarily but it would be open again in a couple of weeks. I said fine but what about the girls that were working there. She said a couple went to this other place near there ( one that I had never been to) but she did not know what happen to the others. I was devistated. Here I was looking forward to a good time with Starr and was sure I would have one, but I could not locate her. The girl must have seen how hurt I was because she said that she could be just as good. I looked at her, she was cute and young, early twenties but I told her that I didn't mean to hurt her feelings but I doubted it. She. I had never seen porn, outside of a single still frame picture I found in the bathroom. The picture was of a woman bent down with a man inside her that one of my brothers must have left in the bathroom. Up until this point, I had pretended and thought that the types of guys I liked were conventionally attractive guys. I measured potential boyfriends against a list in my head that I never transcribed into my journal, which should have been my first clue it was nonsense. I wanted someone taller than me, older than me, physically adept, muscularly solid over skinny, and whom I could connect to with games, movies, or conversations. Basically, I described my brother Edmund and his teammates. I was never attracted to my brother, although his teammates I certainly had fantasized about. However, those dreams were always in group settings. Hollywood heartthrobs I recognized objectively as attractive rarely attracted me. The biggest male celebrity that gets me hot and bothered is.
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