It was only then that he realized with some astonishment that he himself was as much a "radical thinker" as was his Lord.Vanlo hated doing this by torchlight. The sunlight always provided a far better illumination to read the nuances in his chemical mixtures. Yet he did not want to risk Jollis happening by while he was holding the critical flask up to the light. In his mind, the merchant had yet to discern what Vanlo had done. He did not want to risk discovery now when he was so close.And the reality, as it turned out, was such that he hardly needed the extra light. It was quite clear to him as soon as he lifted the flask to his eyes what the result was.Vanlo took a deep breath and let it go slowly through his nose as he set the flask down.He was not sure how he was supposed to feel at this point. Was he supposed to feel a sense of victory that he had unmasked the perpetrator of the crime against him? Or a sense of elation that he no longer had to wonder who did it? Instead, he felt a. Dependence ... loneliness ... helplessness...fear. As she sat alone she parsed each emotion as it bit her in its turn. They descended upon her one by one in a heavy pall of acrid, black smoke, choking away hope. The smoke blocked all view. In the middle of it all she could see nothing. There was nothing left but resigned compliance. Happiness and survival fought for the same space in her life. How many times must she learn that lesson? Only she knew the answer, but knew it well.It was a just result meted out by unjust men, she told herself. The events of her life flashed back to her. She saw the logic. If she had studied harder in high school ... the abortion ... the two divorces. She was convinced of God's retribution and despaired of God's mercy. It was not Paul's fault. She had been wrong to reach out for more.Glenda buried her face in her hands, sobbing at first, and then wept for what had been, what could have been, and the inescapability of it all.Paul sat at his desk trying to.
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